How tipping poorly can be a judge of character

When I started going out to eat on my own, after I had my own job, I learned the basic rules of tipping. It always amazes me how cheap people are, even if they get the best of service. It makes me sad that I live in a country where even the best of work is undervalued and unappreciated.

Ness is currently a server. She works in a fine-dining restaurant and you’d probably be surprised how horrible guests are to servers, and then have the lack of common sense and courtesy to tip poorly. It’s expected of servers to give the best quality service, no matter how the guests act. What most people don’t realize, is that the server’s primary job, is to bring food from point A to point B. It’s not to put up with your bullshit.

I’m going to give you all some examples of what not to do. These are the kind of people that drive me nuts. I’m not a server, and after watching some people, I never want to be one. I wouldn’t have the patience, the balls, or the ability to walk away from assholes like this.

Example One - I had to wait five minutes, I’m not tipping you shit

I went to the Olive Garden in the beginning of the week with Ness’ father and her brother. Her father and I waited an hour for her brother to show up. We arrived at 5:30PM. We decided not to order until her brother came, which ended up being another hour. While we were waiting, we noticed that almost 45 minutes into our visit, a couple arrived and sat in Ness’ section. Ness was busy taking another tables drinks, and these people saw that. Ness went over and greeted the two people after she had taken the other tables drinks. These two people were pissed that they had to wait. It was literally five minutes. How do I know this? I watched them. As I’ve previously mentioned, I observe people.

Ness asked one of the managers for help because of these people’s complaint. They ended up getting a gift card for the next time they came to eat. They ate their food and used the gift card. What was Ness’ tip? The remaining amount of money left on the gift card; a whole 25 cents.

First of all, you waited 5 minutes. Second of all, you didn’t even have to pay for the damn food. Thirdly, your food came out hot. Fourth, you even got free desserts. Now what makes you think you don’t have to tip? Ness, and her manager, went out of their way to make your visit there a great one, and you can’t even leave a tip?

These cheap bastards probably went their expecting to get free food in the first place. What do I think about these people? They are cheap, broke-ass bastards who are probably uneducated, have the personality of a straw wrapper, and don’t have enough sense to budget their money.

And on another note: When out to eat at a restaurant, where other people will inevitably see you, or hear you, eat…do not, and I repeat do not, eat your spaghetti, slurping it into your mouth, and talk all at the same time. Not only does it look disgusting, it sounds disgusting as well.

Example Two - I had to pay extra for jalapeños, I’m not tipping you shit, but I’ll leave you a nice note

Ness and I were at IHOP drinking a ton of coffee. We go in there all the time, so all the servers know us. It also helps that her dad is the General Manager. Another couple came in and sat directly behind Ness. The woman wanted jalapeños on her eggs. Fine. The waitress told her it would be extra for the jalapeños, the woman got all snippy.

Woman: Are you new?

Waitress: No…why?

Woman: Ugh, nevermind.

What does any of that have to do with the fact that your damn jalapeños are going to be extra? It doesn’t matter whether she’s new, or if she’s been around for 8 years, your peppers are going to be extra, since they don’t come on the eggs in the first place.

They finished ordering, got their food, and ate it. Ness and I didn’t hear one complaint about anything else. Their check arrived, they got ready to leave. The woman was paying, she was pissed she had to pay extra for the jalapeños, she decided to leave the waitress a note, instead of a tip, since she paid, get this, an extra 69 cents for her jalapeños. Seriously? 69 cents is going to throw your finances off balance when you just came out to eat at IHOP, probably not knowing what you were going to get in the first place, and then you throw a fit over 69 cents? It’s not even the server’s fault, it’s company policy, and you decide to not leave a tip?

Let me make something very clear. Servers’ starting minimum wage is like $3.75 or something. Why is this so low? Because they make tips. Why do their tips mean shit? Because with the addition of tips, at the end of the night, their hourly wage ($3.75) plus their tips is supposed to equal regular minimum wage. So when people like you who decide to leave a note instead of a tip, or leave a quarter because they are broke, what do you think happens? They can’t afford anything. They can’t buy their books for school, or put gas in their car.

Now what do I think of these people? Well, the lady’s note said something like “Have a Blessed day.” This makes me assume she’s Christian, because that’s what good Christians do, bless people. (I’m being sarcastic here.) Ok, first, you’re a supposed Christian, second, instead of being courteous and polite to your server you stiff her with a note even though she gave you great service. Your reason for doing so? Because you wouldn’t have to see her ever again. Wow. You are stuck up, probably middle-class, and you probably look down on people that work in the food service industry. Well lady, you shouldn’t. Because if it weren’t for them, you’d have to get up off your lazy ass and get your own damn food. Better yet, you should get your own damn food. Don’t go out anymore. Oh, and I’m sure Jesus would be proud.

The Lesson - How to tip

Alright people…I’m sure most of the people that will read this aren’t like the examples above. And just so you know, I have way more examples for you, I just don’t have the time to write them all out for you. I have more examples of bad tippers than of good ones.

So how do you tip? That’s a great question. First, when deciding the tip, remember that the waitress really has no control over how long your food is going take. That’s what the kitchen manager is for, so if you’re waiting a long time, ask for the kitchen manager, don’t bitch out the server. Second, take a look around. Does your server have a lot of tables? Is the whole restaurant busy? If yes, give an extra few minutes for everything. Just because it’s taking longer than normal, doesn’t mean they are giving you crappy service. When a restaurant is that busy, everything takes longer. Third, was your server nice? Good. You can usually tell this by the fact that she talked to your bratty kids, or she gave you an extra lemon in your water, or she smiled at you and looked you in the eye. Once you’ve determined this, you can decide what to tip her.

The Scale

Excellent Service: When you receive excellent service, tip at least 20%. What I usually do is tip 20% plus add on the tip. So, my check is $28 bucks, tax is around $2. 20% of 30 is six dollars ($6) so my tip to the server would be $8. Also keep in mind, basic rules of rounding. For example…if a check is $23, I’d round down to $20. 4 and below, you round down. 5 and above, your round up.

Good Service: Good service is more common than excellent service. You tip 15%. So, my check is $28 bucks, I round up to $30. My tip would be $4.50.

Poor Service: As I mentioned in previously, a lot of factors go into the service that you get. So keep these in mind when figuring out if you had poor service. For poor service, you tip no less than 10%. So if my check is $28 bucks, I’d round that up to $30, and I’d tip her $3.

There’s a reason what I round up or down. First, it makes figuring out your tip easier. Second, it hardly ever involves change. If I had left it at $28 bucks, I would have had to dish out for change. Round it up to a whole amount that ends in zero, or down to a zero. If you round down, I suggest adding in an extra dollar.

Conclusion

Alright, so why should you tip well? If you plan on coming back to that restaurant, the server will remember you. If you tipped poorly, the server will tell other servers. Same happens if you tip well. Also, people think you’re either a snob or an idiot if they see you tip poorly for good to excellent service.

For special situations, like when you wait too long for your food, ask for a manager. If you have to wait more than 30 minutes, than you’ve waited too long. If you ordered a well done steak, don’t expect it in five minutes. It’s just now how it works. If this happens, and you end up getting a discount or a free meal, leave a tip anyway

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I have OCD, but yet, I’m unorganized

I make it no secret that I have OCD, or obsessive-compulsive disorder for those of you who really don’t know. I’m anal about how I fold my clothes, how I wash my clothes, how I put things in the food cupboard, how I hang my clothes in my closet, how clean toilet seats are, and how I eat my food. But when it comes to getting things done, I just can’t do it for the life of me.

Finding Time

Since I’ve come to Cleveland I’ve had a hard time seperating my “fun” time with my “get shit done” time. I attribute this to gradually finding a life. Alright, it wasn’t so gradual. The very first night I was in Cleveland, Ness took me to the Interbelt in Akron to meet Gay Boy Aaron. I assure you, that’s what he goes by and he’s not offended by this. I’m not used to all the drinking that I’ve been doing. I’m in no way saying that I drink in excess, because I don’t. I haven’t been drunk since I’ve been in Cleveland. But staying up late, drinking and dancing, makes me want to sleep more than I should. The good news: I don’t wake up with hangovers.

I never really had this kind of life before. Balancing and adjusting my personal and business life to my new found extrovert-ism has been difficult to say the least. When I was younger I didn’t have much of a personal life, but I had a business life. My business life being a student and an employee. My personal life was mostly hanging out with my friends from work after our shifts had ended. No problem there. Besides, I wasn’t starting out on my own, trying to build something from scratch. I just had to show up and do my job, which I was trained to do. I’ve never had any experience starting, running, and maintaining my own business.

The great news here: I’ve finally admitted that I’ve had a problem. The even better news: I have time to focus on my problem and try to solve it. Now the question is, where do I begin?

I’m an excellent student, and if you were to go through my old notebooks, you’d see how organized I can be if I set my mind to things and have time to work out a system. I was very anal about my notebooks. I take that back…I was extremely anal about my notebooks. In fact, I’d have two sets of notebooks; one for taking notes in class, the other to make a final copy of those notes. Yes, I spent extra time to re-copy my notes. Sometimes I’d even type up my notes after I had already copied them into my semi-final notebook. I admit, I took this too far, but I realized that if I stopped doing that, I’d freak out. (That’s the OCD part of me.)

My plan of action

Now that I’ve realized that I have a problem and I’ve admitted it, I’m ready to try and fix it. Unfortunately, I’m not sure if there’s a 12-step support group that I can go to. I’m not even sure if there are institutions that I can go to. In any case, even if there were, I wouldn’t go to support groups because I would forget. I forget a lot.

I’m going to take a few days and figure out how to organize my life. However, I’m open to suggestions. Anyone have any books, websites, etc.? I’ve been taking a look at Dave Seah’s Printable CEO stuff and a lot of it would work well for me, but I think I might have to modify it some bit to make it work really well.

I’m still developing my plan of action. I’ve been doing a lot of research on productivity to figure out what would best fit me and my lifestyle. Look for more posts relating to my unorganized life as I try to organize it. :)

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We drove, we laughed, we came back home

One of the weirdest situations I’ve been in since I came to Cleveland was meeting Ness’ ex-girlfriend. We went out for drinks with some friends and that’s how I was introduced to her ex. Since then, her ex has spent the night twice because it was more convenient for her to stay here than back at her place. I didn’t mind, and at first, it made me kind of nervous, but now that I’ve spent some time with her, the only time I think of her as Ness’ ex is when she can relate exactly to a situation between Ness and I. For example, when Ness gets drunk.

I think I’ve mentioned previously that Ness is in a wedding in October. She and her ex. They had to go down towards Columbus to get fitted for their dresses on Thursday, I went along because I didn’t feel like staying home by myself all day. That and the bride wanted to meet me because she’s heard a lot about me. Good things I hope, but you can never be too sure. :)

It was decided that Ness would drive. We were listening to the new Hanson CD, and yes, I’ll admit that I like their new album, when Ness started cursing about traffic. I didn’t really think anything of it because that’s what Ness does. But as I looked ahead, trying to see what the hold up was, I saw that it was an accident. I didn’t really know how bad it was until we drove right past the scene. Three cars, one of them an SUV, another one flipped upside down. We realized that there had been some little kids in the cars. They seemed okay though, as did a couple of the drivers. I’m not sure about whoever was driving the car that flipped upside down though.

We finally made it to 271 South after Ness and I got into it about how she drives. It’s not that she’s a bad driver, because ultimately I trust her, but her driving is a result of her environment. Yes, Ohioans, you are insane drivers. Ness drives the way she does because she has to avoid all the idiots around her, but when you drive like that, you become one of the bad drivers. Maybe not as bad, but definitely bad. I noticed that the whole way there, she didn’t tail-gate, and she didn’t really speed. Thank you, Ness.

Just a few exits before Mansfield, we stopped at Grandpa’s Cheese Barn or something like that. Ness and I picked up some chocolate covered pretzels, some other chocolate things, and a happy face chocolate sucker for me. We really just needed to stretch our legs more than anything.

Finally, we arrived at the bridal shop. It’s funny how people in the city of Cleveland are hesitant about whether or not I’m male or female, but once we get outside of Cleveland, dare I say boonies, they don’t even think and assume that I’m female. It doesn’t really bother me any, it’s just something I have to deal with, being trans and all. It’s just something that I’ve noticed.

Ness has a thing about pet stores. Whenever we see one, we have to go in and look at the animals. There was one right by the bridal shop, and guess what, they had puppies. I didn’t bring my allergy medicine. Ness fell in love with a pom-a-poo. She named him Stanley. She wants me to buy him for her birthday. I have to admit, he’s a cute little furry ball of fluff. I might just have to buy it for her. Or buy her one. I’m not sure if he’d still be there come November. We played with the puppy, checked out the cats, I made sure to pet the chinchilla, and we even touched a star fish, that is, after I assured Ness that it wouldn’t bite her.

We rolled out of the pet store, her ex was now driving because we had to make a stop at their friend’s house and Ness wasn’t sure of the way. My eyes started to itch and get watery. Her ex had some Zyrtec. I wasn’t sure if I was allergic to the allergy medicine or not, but I figured I’d rather have an allergic reaction to medicine than to animals. I took it. It was a mistake.

By the time we got to their friend’s house, I had a really bad heart burn and my back started to hurt. Symptoms of me having an allergy attack from medicine. I ignored it because it wasn’t that bad yet. Come to find out that her friend had a Wii. Ness and I bowled and played some tennis. I did fairly well at bowling, but I pretty much kicked her ass at tennis. I want a Wii now, because that was a really good work out.

After I met her friend and her friend’s husband to be, we had to head back to Cleveland. I sat in the backseat trying not to let on how much pain I was in. By that time, my whole body hurt, plus I had the heartburn still. Those chocolate covered pretzels had melted in the car, but Ness was still eating some and offered them to me. I took the bag, stuck my fingers in, and commented how it felt like I was digging around inside an asshole. I have a weird sense of humor, so just go along with it.

By the time we arrived back home, I could barely walk, but I managed to go to the bathroom and get into bed. I hadn’t taken off any of my clothes however. I was laying in bed trying to get comfortable. It didn’t happen. Ness took care of me the rest of the night. She was worried so she stayed awake till about 4AM, just to make sure I was okay if I woke up.

At any rate, that was my Thursday. Well, actually, there’s a lot more to the past week, but I can’t talk about it. If I did, I’d have to kill you. And just in case you’ve forgotten, I do have mafia connections; I could make it happen.

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Have any band-aids?

I was watching television when there was a knock on the door.  I answer.

Random Guy: I was wondering if you have any band-aids…?

Me: Yea, what size do you need?

Random Guy: Well, big enough to cover this (points to a hickey)

Seriously? That’s just awesome.

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To Pittsburgh and back

One of Ness’ brothers lives just outside of Pittsburgh and invited us to go down for a couple of days for a party he was having.  The last time I went to Pittsburgh I was on a class field trip and I don’t really remember much about it, just bits and pieces.  But anyway…

We left Friday, later than we expected to, but still pretty early.  When we go to New York, we usually leave after midnight, so this was a welcome change in our regular travel routine.  Heading out there, all we knew was that there would be a pig roast (not something I’m into, but hey, if that’s your thing…) and beer.  Food + Beer = Amazing.

On Friday night we jumped right into the party, which turned out to be a party for his wife’s birthday.  We also had just found out that his wife is pregnant again (Congratulations because I don’t think I got to say it when I was there) and that was cause for more celebration.  We settled in and started drinking.  There was a keg, which turned out to be Natty Light, but I’m not complaining.  It does the job and I’ve had worse, a lot worse.  Watching the pig roast kind of turned my stomach.  I’m not really a fan of pork, unless it’s bacon.  Pork, the other white meat, just makes me gag a bit, so I didn’t eat any on Friday.

Ness was excited and asked if she could cut the head off.  She’s crazy, but in a good way.  We took some pictures of that and also took some video, hopefully if her brother sends us those, I’ll put them up.   Friday night was pretty fun since Ness and I played hide and seek in the dark with the young’ns.  It’s been awhile since I ran like that, but hey, I’m losing weight and running won’t hurt me.  Unless I fall and break a bone.  That’s highly likely since I’m accident prone.

Saturday was awesome.  Her brother decided that he was going to make tamales with the left over meat from Friday night and took us into Pittsburgh to head to a Mexican grocery store in the Strip District.  I’m not a fan of bridges, and if you’ve ever been to Pittsburgh, you know there are a ton of them.  On top of the bridges, Pittsburgh has some of the worst drivers I’ve ever seen (it’s not just Pittsburgh, it’s Pennsylvania) so I almost had a heart attack a few times when we were driving.  Once we finished shopping, we went to Primanti Brothers and had some sandwiches.  Think Panini sandwiches but better.  Turkey, cheese, cole slaw, and french fries.  The sandwiches were so big that Ness and I shared one.  Seriously, the best sandwich I’ve ever had, and I’d move to Pittsburgh just so I could have one whenever I wanted.

Once we were safely across all the bridges, we ended up going to her brother’s sister-in-law’s house where he made the tamales and worked on that keg of Natty Light some more.  Ness and I had originally planned on leaving late Saturday night because she had to work today, but I couldn’t drive because I had had too much to drink so we ended up spending the night again and left early.

The drive home was insane.  Most of the way back to Cleveland, it down poured and we could barely see ten feet in front of us.  But we made it safely home and Ness still had time to take a nap before work.

Other highlights of the weekend:

We’ll be back in Pittsburgh in September to go to a Hanson concert.  Hopefully we’ll get another Primanti Bros. sandwich. :)

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Dear Internet, I miss you!

I’ve been extremely busy this summer, and while that’s great for me, it’s bad for my friends and the internet. Ever since I was introduced to the internet in 6th grade, I’ve been hooked.  If I knew of a 12 step program, I’m sure I would have at least attempted to kick the habit.  It wouldn’t have worked though, don’t you worry.  I’m addicted to the internet, like I’m addicted to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

It’s kind of ironic that just when I want to do something with my internet life, besides just blogging, I go and get a life.  Ness is great that way.  I’m usually kind of shy and reserved, and on top of that I’m kind of lazy.  I find it hard to approach people and make new friends.  But when I’m with Ness, I don’t fear doing that.  In fact, I’m quite comfortable around other people.  She’s able to let my inner-self out, something that no one else has ever been able to do.  She gives me a confidence that I’ve never known before.

Now that I’m settling into Cleveland and I’ll be around for awhile at least, I’ve started looking into Transgender support groups in the area as well as gender therapists.  I’d like to start the physical transition of being Trans sooner rather than later, and I’m not really sure how to do that.  So looking into support groups and gender counselors is the first step.  I’ve found a few therapists in the area and I’ll have to make some phone calls and see what their pricing is.  I’ve also joined a Cleveland Trans discussion list and hopefully I’ll make contact with some other Trans individuals in my area.

Ness and I are going to a wedding in October.  That’s why she was away at the bachelorette party this past weekend.  Ness has had a couple of conversations with the bride-to-be about me being Trans and she’s been very supportive of the whole thing and even went so far as to say that if anyone says something negative to either Ness or I during the wedding or reception, she’d take care of it.  I haven’t met her yet, but I look forward to meeting her.  At any rate, on the drive back home, Ness and her ex, Meg, were talking and Meg said that she didn’t think people would even think that I was a girl, because I look like a boy.  Thanks for the compliment, because that’s what I was going for.  That may sound…sarcastic, but I mean it in a good way, and I’m sincere in my thanks.  Even though she did kiss Ness…but that’s another story and it’s not as bad as it sounds.  You just have to know Ness to understand that whole thing.

Also, we might be hitting up Pittsburgh next weekend.  I’m not sure of the details, all I know is that we’re going to a BBQ or a pig roast or something of the like at Ness’ brother’s place.  When I figure out if we’re really going and if I’ll have time to meet up with some people, I’ll figure it out.  If you’re interested in meeting up somewhere, let me know.

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While Ness is away, I get sick

Ness left today for a bachelorette party in Columbus.  She’s been gone an hour and a half and I’m already going crazy.  I miss her, I’m bored, and then I get sick.

I don’t even remember how long I’ve been having these flare ups of mine.  It’s been at least two or three weeks.  They’ve gotten a lot better.  I don’t have them everyday now, just every other day.  So, that’s good.  But on top of this day being one of the flare up days, I now apparently have the flu.  Amazing.   But that’s just my luck anyway.

On Thursday, Ness and I went to see an advanced screening of The Kingdom starring Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman, and Chris Cooper.  I was a bit disappointed.  I expected a lot considering the amazing cast, but it turned into a semi-propaganda movie.  I’m not even going to bother with a review of it, because I really just can’t say anything other than it kinda sucked.  The highlights of the movie:  some of Jason Bateman’s stupid jokes, Jennifer Garner’s ass-kicking scene, and…the explosion in the beginning.  That’s it.

Besides that, we had to listen to her brother and his girlfriend make out the whole movie.  That was not fun.  I’m not going to go into that whole thing, because that’s a whole other story in and of itself.  It didn’t make the movie more enjoyable.

My thoughts are kind of all over the place.  I can’t concentrate on anything.  I think I’m going to call it a day and go to sleep, hopefully when I wake up, I’ll feel better and I can write something worth reading.

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