Dear Cleveland,

I’d like to tell you about my 4th of July.  Ness, my girlfriend, and I went to a party at a friend’s house and had some awesome food.  My girlfriend decided to surprise me by taking me downtown for the fireworks.  Apparently, it’s good.  We took her dad along, he bought us some beer, and invited her friends as well.  We got there 3 hours before the fireworks started.

In order to get some prime viewing seats, or at least we though, we sat behind the Rock Hall of Fame.  You know, behind that big ass boat.  We climbed down some rocks.  I sat on a rock, that was very uncomfortable, for three hours.  It was cool though, because while we were waiting for your fireworks to start, we could see some other towns shooting off their fireworks.  One town’s fireworks lasted about an hour, and we could see them pretty well, even though they were on the other side of the lake.

I don’t know my way around here, as I’ve only been here since…May/June.  But from what I gather, it was Lakewood’s fireworks, but I could be wrong.  For all I know, it could have been Buffalo.

At 10PM, your fireworks started.  It started off slow, but it built up, and you had some pretty neat fireworks going for a bit.  But then you had your finale.  I didn’t think it was your finale, because shit, it was only 15 minutes into the show.  But when it ended, I knew it was really over.

First of all, you got ripped off.  That was a really crappy show.  We waited three hours for that?  Can I have those three hours back?  Please?  Second, why’d you shoot them off where nobody was sitting?  Why not shoot it in the water?  People were on piers and such, but most of the people were behind that big ass boat.  We could only see half of them.  And most of the people were behind the big ass boat.  Only a couple of dozen people actually saw the whole show.

I hear you spent $40k on that.  Well, it was crap.  No matter how much you spent on those fireworks, you got ripped off.  I would have had a better time if I had stayed in my hick, hill-billy town and watched their fireworks.  At least I would have known that they would be crappy, so I could have worked in the whole “wasting three hours of my life” thing.  Don’t expect us their next year, unless you pay me to go, and provide me with some beer.

Josh