I’m going home this weekend, or tonight rather when Ness gets off work, to attend my dad’s 50th birthday party.  Sh, it’s a surprise.  I don’t think he still reads my blog, and even if he does, he won’t read this till this weekend, after the party.

My sister, Stephanie, planned the party.  Things that she plans I tend to stay away from because she kind of half asses all the planning parts and we end up throwing it all together at the very last minute.  In any case…my dad’s birthday isn’t really until the day after Christmas, but I guess she figured that he’d be expecting something then, so she decided that June would be a good time to surprise him and celebrate his birthday.

I told Stephanie that I’d put together some CD’s for my dad’s party, but now that I’m sitting down to think about it, I have no idea what he likes.  But, then again, I don’t really know what my dad likes in general.  Other than that, I’m in charge of bringing soda, snacks, and dessert.

Ness has met my family a couple of times.  Well, she’s met my parents, sisters, and grandparents a couple of times.  But I have a huge family so there are always more people to meet.  I don’t even think I’ve met them all.  What makes this one worse is that I can’t tell anyone that Ness is my girlfriend.  I’m not exactly sure how they would react, and my dad says that we shouldn’t say anything.  But part of me doesn’t want to keep it a secret.  If they can’t deal with it, then that’s their problem.  I shouldn’t have to hide part of my life.  But then, if they knew about Ness, would I have to tell them that I’m trans?  Or would I be satisfied with them thinking I’m a lesbian?  I’m not sure how I feel about that.  I’m at the point where I would just rather not say anything at all then to have to lie about who I really am.  But then that would just be lying as well.  If I don’t say anything to anyone about me being trans…am I really lying, or is omitting a huge part of who I am from people that might not understand, or want to understand, lying?

I have to mentally prepare myself for being around my family.  I’m the black sheep of the family and in most cases, they ignore me.  I can handle rejection.  But since I’m bringing Ness, they are going to want to be introduced, I’m sure.  They are nosy.  Good news though, my bedroom is at the front of the house, away from the party, the party is in the back.