I wish my parents had the same reaction as my sisters
I didn’t plan on telling anyone in my family until I actually started to take hormones. It’s not that I didn’t want to tell them, it’s just that I remember how my parents first reacted when I told them. I didn’t want to go through that all over again on a bigger scale.
I was talking to my sisters today, Andrea and Nicole. They are the youngest of us. Nicole was telling me that I’ve changed and that she didn’t know me anymore. Instead of just going along with it like I normally would have, I told her that I was trans. I’m just at the point where I’m not going to hide it anymore. I shouldn’t be afraid of who I am, and I don’t have to be afraid. I’m tired of hiding and walking on egg shells.
So, I told them, thinking they’d call me a freak or think I’m weird or not want to talk to me anymore. But that’s not how it went at all. They were both very nonchalant about it, almost as if they already figured it out on their own. They didn’t really ask many questions, but I guess those will come eventually.
I told them that I was changing my name to Josh and they were both asking me when and then that was it, just like every other conversation that I’ve had with them.
They didn’t judge me, at least not to me, and they both said that they accepted it. So, I guess that was easy…
Ryan Adams - Easy Tiger
Well, I had planned on doing a review of Ryan Adams’ new album, Easy Tiger, but Brad over on thebignoob.com did a little review. I’m a bit jealous that he’s going to see Ryan perform this, but I’ll just have to wait I suppose.
The Bonfire After the Party
The party went alright. We successfully surprised my dad, and I got his surprised face on video, although I won’t be uploading that. My grandma, who absolutely loves Ness, introduced her to most of the family that had come. We went swimming, played a little catch with my sisters, and then later that night we had a bonfire. Who doesn’t love bonfires? Here are some pics 
You can see more on my Flickr
By Starlight
I promised more memories from my first Mixtape a long time ago, but one thing led to another, and another, and that just didn’t happen. But I’m here now and ready to write another one of my memories.
For some strange reason, I had completely forgotten about The Smashing Pumpkins. I’m not proud of that fact, because when I was younger they were one of my favorite bands. Ness walked into my life and she helped me to remember some of the great music that I had forgotten about.
Everytime I hear this song, I’m instantly reminded of Ness. I’m fucked up, broken, depressed, and selfish (among other things), and I realize that I might not be able to change and that no one can heal me, but when I’m with Ness, she realizes that I’m not perfect, but it doesn’t matter. She’ll take me broken, depressed, fucked up, and selfish and she’ll come with me for the ride.
If that makes any sense…
I curse surprise parties
I’m going home this weekend, or tonight rather when Ness gets off work, to attend my dad’s 50th birthday party. Sh, it’s a surprise. I don’t think he still reads my blog, and even if he does, he won’t read this till this weekend, after the party.
My sister, Stephanie, planned the party. Things that she plans I tend to stay away from because she kind of half asses all the planning parts and we end up throwing it all together at the very last minute. In any case…my dad’s birthday isn’t really until the day after Christmas, but I guess she figured that he’d be expecting something then, so she decided that June would be a good time to surprise him and celebrate his birthday.
I told Stephanie that I’d put together some CD’s for my dad’s party, but now that I’m sitting down to think about it, I have no idea what he likes. But, then again, I don’t really know what my dad likes in general. Other than that, I’m in charge of bringing soda, snacks, and dessert.
Ness has met my family a couple of times. Well, she’s met my parents, sisters, and grandparents a couple of times. But I have a huge family so there are always more people to meet. I don’t even think I’ve met them all. What makes this one worse is that I can’t tell anyone that Ness is my girlfriend. I’m not exactly sure how they would react, and my dad says that we shouldn’t say anything. But part of me doesn’t want to keep it a secret. If they can’t deal with it, then that’s their problem. I shouldn’t have to hide part of my life. But then, if they knew about Ness, would I have to tell them that I’m trans? Or would I be satisfied with them thinking I’m a lesbian? I’m not sure how I feel about that. I’m at the point where I would just rather not say anything at all then to have to lie about who I really am. But then that would just be lying as well. If I don’t say anything to anyone about me being trans…am I really lying, or is omitting a huge part of who I am from people that might not understand, or want to understand, lying?
I have to mentally prepare myself for being around my family. I’m the black sheep of the family and in most cases, they ignore me. I can handle rejection. But since I’m bringing Ness, they are going to want to be introduced, I’m sure. They are nosy. Good news though, my bedroom is at the front of the house, away from the party, the party is in the back.
Queens of the Stone Age Album: Era Vulgaris (2007)
The new Queens of the Stone Age album, Era Vulgaris, releases on June 12th. For a sneak peak, you can preview the whole album on their website for free.
I’m a huge fan of Queens of the Stone Age, ever since high school. And their new album doesn’t disappoint me in the least. The first single, Sick, Sick, Sick, is hard and a bit cocky, but it works for them. In fact, the whole album is a edgier than their previous releases.
As far as I’ve seen, they’ve gotten some pretty good reviews, and they deserve them.
Track List
- Turnin’ On The Screw - I think this should have been their single. I like it a lot better than Sick, Sick, Sick. It’s a bit more mellow and flows really well.
- Sick, Sick, Sick - It’s a combination of Indie and Punk and it works. It’s edgy and up-beat.
- I’m Designer - This is the song that sounds different than all the rest. I think the focus is more on the lyrics than anything else. The chorus is amazing.
- Into The Hollow - I have no idea why, but this song almost reminds me of Pink Floyd. It’s mellow, smooth, and edgy.
- Misfit Love - This has a long, edgy intro.
- Battery Acid
- Make it Wit Chu
- 3’s & 7’s
- Suture Up Your Future
- River in the Road
- Run, Pig, Run
There isn’t a song on here that I don’t at least like a lot. It’s definitely worth a listen and a buy.
The Beginning of Summer Mixtape
Well, I announced this over a week ago and this was supposed to be up this past Monday, but due to some unforeseen situations, it had to be delayed. Lisa was a good girl and got hers up on time. You should check it out.
These songs aren’t necessarily “summer songs”, but as we approach the beginning of summer, these songs have made an impression on me in one way or another. In no particular order, here they are:
- Maroon 5 - Makes Me Wonder (3:31 | 192 kbps)
- Plain White T’s - Hey There Delilah (3:52 | 110 kbps)
- Violent Femmes - Blister in the Sun (2:24 | 128 kbps)
- Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Weapon of Choice (2:50 | 320 kbps)
- Silversun Pickups - Lazy Eye (5:54 | 149 kbps (VBR))
- The White Stripes - Icky Thump (3:50 | 192 kbps (VBR))
- Lily Allen - Knock ‘Em Out (2:53 | 128 kbps)
- Modest Mouse - Florida (2:59 | 192 kbps)
- MXPX - Chick Magnet (3:12 | 160 kbps)
- Sublime - Santeria (3:03 | 96 kbps)
- Rihanna - Umbrella Song (4:36 | 192 kbps)
Well, there it is. Enjoy. I’m only going to keep the download open for a week and after that, it’ll disappear. Maybe I’ll bring it back but maybe I won’t. So get it while you can.
No longer available for download. Sorry. Next time, get it faster.
As always, if you download, leave a comment and let me know what you think.
Things You Should Know Link Wrap #2
Sports
I’m usually a fan of pro-basketball. I kind of lost interest after Jordan retired and I never really caught the NBA bug after. But being around Ness during the Eastern Conference finals and now the Finals, I’ve caught it again. Seriously, she’s so into it, and it’s really hard to not get caught up in it. Here are 5 reasons why the Cavs will win the show, and to be fair, here are 5 reasons why the Spurs will win.
Science
- Europe and U.S. Move Towards Climate Deal: When President Bush failed to sign the Kyoto Treaty, I was a bit pissed off, but whatever. It’s nice to see that the U.S. is at least talking about this now.
- Researchers Detect Variations in DNA That Underlie Seven Common Diseases: This hits close to home with me as I have Crohn’s Disease and both my dad and grandfather have diabetes.
- Biologists Make Skin Cells Work Like Stem Cells: If this technique is perfected, much of the moral debate surrounding stem cell research in the U.S. will hold little value.
- House stem cells vote sets up fight with White House: Speaking of stem cells…The House voted to ease restrictions on government funded stem cell research, but Bush plans to veto.
History & Society
- The Lincoln Letter: A newly discovered letter written by Abraham Lincoln shortly after Gettysburg was discovered, lost among other pages in the National Archive.
- The Poverty Platform: A NY Times Magazine article on John Edwards War on Poverty.
- The Inequality Conundrum: Why the poor stay poor and the rich get richer.
- Cocaine: Hidden in Plain Sight: Cocaine as the casual drug.
Entertainment
- Lesbian Hot 100 List: This has been floating around for the past few days. Nice choices.
- Sean Connery won’t be back for Indiana 4: A bit disappointing because, dude, it’s Sean Connery, but I’m not that broken up about it.
- Ocean’s 11 Original Review from 1960: Before George Clooney took on Ocean’s 11, Frank, Dean, Sammy, and Peter Lawford did. The original kicks ass and if you haven’t seen it, you should.
- Spring Awakening: This is the one broadway play that I desperately want to see. The soundtrack is amazing and I’ve heard absolutely nothing but great things about the play. If you’re in NYC, go check it out and tell me what you think of it.
- Thundercats - The Movie: You have absolutely no idea how excited I am. I heart Thundercats.
- The Last Days of Tony Soprano: I haven’t been keeping up with the series for awhile now since I lacked HBO, but it’s going on my summer DVD watch list. It had to end sometime.
Technology
The new DRM-free iTunes songs have some privacy issues. In other words, don’t upload songs you buy on iTunes, because it can possibly be traced back to you.
It’s where we all end up
This past weekend and the past few days have been hectic. The same night that the Cavs beat Detroit and won the Eastern Conference finals, I found out that my uncle had died. The rest of that night I tried to keep my mind occupied because Ness and I were celebrating the Cavs win, plus we stopped by Leah’s parents house for a bon-fire even though we ended up watching the 4th quarter of the Cavs game. To keep my mind off the bad news, we headed to a bar where we drank a bit and played volleyball on a sand court behind a bar. I had sand in weird places, it’s not fun.
We drove out to New York Sunday night. The ride was rough since we saw tons, and I mean tons, of dead deer along the highway. One was still alive on the side of the road. It had been raining, and was still raining and that’s why they were all out crossing the highway. We arrived at my house at 3 in the morning.
I hate funerals. I hate viewings. I hate seeing people that I knew alive, dead. I try to avoid such things, but I couldn’t really avoid this. My sisters cried, I didn’t. But that’s how things go. I hardly ever cry. Anyway, it’s over, and I can move on. My grandpa told me, while we were at the funeral home waiting to start the procession to the church, that that’s where we’ll all end up. And no matter how much I try to avoid death, sooner or later it’ll catch us all.
Things on my mind…as seen in the news
The other day, just before the most recent Cavs game (Thursday), Ness and I decided to go to Starbucks to relax. We had been shopping just before (I picked up some kick ass pirate flip flops from the Dollar Store) and we still had to go grocery shopping and go watch the Cavs game. We got our drinks and added a New York Times and sat in the comfy Starbucks chairs and read the paper while we filled up with caffeine.
It got me thinking. Well, the news usually gets me thinking, but in this instance it got me thinking about my site and how I haven’t written much lately and that it’s really a shame that I haven’t. I lead such an interesting life, what with me being a man trapped in a woman’s body and all. At any rate, I had previously started a series where I wrote about things everyone should know, whether they cared about them or not, you should just know about these things. I stopped writing the series. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I felt so unmotivated to do it, and at the time, to do anything with my site.
Well, because of that one hour spent in Starbucks, I now know what I’m going to do with the series. Each week I’ll post up some links to interesting news articles that I read, or just things that have interested me. I’m not going to limit it to just news articles. And then whenever I feel up to it I’ll write a “focus post” where I talk about just one issue, like I did previously. This would be the inaugural kickoff of my new idea, so take a look, because not all of it is intense. I swear.
- If you haven’t seen The Landlord, then you should. Will Ferrell stars in this funny and not really safe for work video. The reason why I bring this up is because of FunnyorDie.com. It hosts short videos by some famous comedians, such as Jimmy Fallon. This one is called lonelyfallon32.
- Massachusetts governor proposes free community colleges: Amazing. I wish more states got on board with this idea. Education is the only way to make progress in a society and with tuition costs on the rise, higher education is seeming more and more out of reach for people who can’t afford it.
- U.S. Strikes in Somalia for the 3rd time: The war on terror is expanding. I’m not a fan of violence, but the current administration seems to lack in diplomatic abilities and has to resort to violence. If there’s really terror cells in other countries, why not have their government go after them instead of wasting our money on bombing a country we have no business being in?
- CBS bought Last.fm: Whats coming for last.fm? I have no idea, but I only hope they keep up with the direction they’ve been going in. I heart last.fm.
- The Supreme Court is stirring up and making headlines: With the Supreme Court shaped differently, this has been an interesting session. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who’s always been the “quiet one”, has given two dissents this session, one oral and one written.
- Dr. Kevorkian is out on probation: I’m not exactly a believer in main-stream political beliefs, but whatever. You can have your own opinion. I don’t think he should have been in jail in the first place. People have the right to live, as well as the right to die, especially if they are suffering and there have no conceivable hope of living.
- Five high school students haven’t received their diplomas: All because people cheered when they walked across the stage for graduation. Bullshit. Get over it.
- Ken Griffey Jr — You should have been it: I’m not a fan of Barry Bonds. The fact that he’s still playing the game pisses me off, same if any player who got caught using steroids (Giambi). I don’t care if you’re a Yankee player, I still think it’s bullshit. Check out BoycottBarry.com if you are interested.
That’s it for now. Coming up on the site: A new Mixtape, some more memories from the first mixtape, and Ness’ website.