Can I see your ID? I want to know what sex you really are
Ness and I have been going out a bit, you know to bars and what have you. A couple days after I first arrived in Cleveland, I met Ness’ straight friends. She didn’t tell them that I was trans, and I didn’t have a problem with it, but I figured they’d be a little skeptical when she introduced me as Josh, considering I have boobs.
We started out at one bar, called Rock City, and it was pretty hick. I saw a few mullets, some rednecks, and a lot of older white guys pretending they could dance. If I had a video camera on hand, then I’d demonstrate for you because it was hilarious. We met one group of friends there, then another group came because it was Leah’s birthday (Hi Leah). We ended up going to a karaoke bar called Bumpers. I didn’t karaoke, but I was considering it. If I do, I’ll make sure to record it or something because I know all of you want to hear me sing.
Ness and I were hanging out, doing our thing, when one of her friends walks over. I should mention that one of her friends (not the same friend that came over, but another) had been ignoring me, or should I say, making a point to ignore me. So one of her friends comes over and asks to see my New York license because she’s never seen one before. Ness and I saw right through what she was doing but I didn’t really give a shit, but Ness called her out on it. She defended herself for a couple of minutes and then blurted out the truth. It was all because they friend that was ignoring me wanted to know if I really was a guy with man boobs, or if I was female.
I was a bit tipsy that night and at the time I thought that their little plan was kind of funny, but now after thinking about it and talking about it, it was just plain stupid. I mean, why not ask me? or ask Ness? It really isn’t a big deal to me one way or another, but are you that scared that you cop out and just ask to see my ID because you “haven’t seen a NY license before?” Asking Ness, or myself, would have been a whole lot easier, and you know, it wouldn’t have started the shit that came after it.
It doesn’t really bother me that her friend doesn’t, or can’t, accept who I am. I get that. People have the right to their own opinions and I respect that, but to go out of your way to ignore me? I was standing outside later that night with the friend that asked for my ID and another girl and we were having a nice conversation and they were taking their time to get to know me. The friend that was ignoring me came outside in the middle of our conversation and started talking to everyone, but making a point to ignore me and what I was saying. Forget the fact that I’m trans, but as a person, you can’t ignore that I’m a person. A pretty awesome person, if I do say so myself. But whatever…
I kind of feel like Ness should have told them that I was trans. It would have saved some time I think, but I understand her point of view and not telling them. It isn’t their business, but at the same time, it’s not like I only have one arm. I’m a guy trapped in a woman’s body. That’s a huge thing for people to just accept and get on with their lives. Especially people that haven’t ever had contact with someone trans before.
I’m not letting it bother me though. It’s the kind of thing that I understand why she’s a bit scared and intimidated by. Most people would just ask questions, she just chose to ignore me. But somehow I feel like I’m under-reacting. I’m not mad about it, I’m not upset, in fact, I don’t really feel anything about it. It’s like it just slides off me. And I’ve thought about it because sometimes I just don’t deal with things and I force myself to not let these things bother me, but that isn’t the case with this. I just don’t give a shit about it. I think I should though, because up until that night, she had been Ness’ best friend. Yea, her best friend did that.
I just don’t know.
Categorized as Personal, Transgender
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Free beer + Being sick + the most amazing fries evah!
[...] Once we entered, we quickly grabbed some free beer and looked for our friends. They were in the back of the bar. I thought “Sweet, I can catch some Sports Center” but everyone began moving around. I met one of Ness’ friends from high school who I hadn’t ever met before. She seemed really cool with the fact that I’m transgender. I’m not surprised that most of her friends are cool with it, there was only that one who had a problem with it. [...]
I always find that when I end up asking an awkward or even potentially embarrassing question, I end up having the most fantastic conversations with people. And to top, I even learn things from time to time. It is always better to ask than to sneak around or play tricks, that is what the playground is for.
Regarding Ness not saying anything beforehand, I wouldn’t let it get to you. But maybe you should talk it through with her, and point out that you would rather not spend time with people like her ‘best friend’ because it takes away from your enjoyment. My girlfriend has friends that I don’t necessarily like, and vice versa. We occasionally make compromises because that is kinda what relationships are about, but we also understand if one of us says they won’t be going out because of the company. And if she invites people over? Well, that’s what pubs are for!
A totally awesome person. I wouldn’t let it get to you… Well, I mean, did she not tell anyone because she’s “embarrassed” or didn’t feel like answering questions… Or because it doesn’t matter to her and she didn’t feel like it needed explaining, because you are you, and you are awesome? and she accepts you for who you are? I don’t know if that made sense, I’ve been drinking. Believe it or not.
I think traditional lines of gender and gender roles are breaking down so much that it freaks people out. I mean hell, I know guys who act very girly and girls who could win belching contests (and have). LOL
I take people for the people they are and don’t get hung up on stupid shit. I tell people I judge people in the dark. Meaning I’ll judge you by what I can see when the lights go out. If you’re chill and intelligent then we’re col. If you’re an ignorant fucker, then we’re not so cool.
Looks don’t mean shit. Hell, you can surgery away looks (yes, surgery is my verb) but you can’t operate on your personality.
Sorry I’m writing a novella in your comments box. It’s something that’s been on my mind a lot lately.
@Amanda: She didn’t say anything because she didn’t feel it needed explaining and because she doesn’t think it’s any of their business.
@Peroty: I think a lot of people’s fear, or ignorance, just comes from the fact lack of exposure. The more people know, the more they’ll be willing to accept. Gender is something that is so embedded in our society and culture that it’s hard to break down those walls and start over.
This is a tough one. One on hand, Ness could have said something to her friends to make things more open. On the other hand, I don’t know that I’d want to lose my say in who knows about my personal life. You know? It’s sad that they tried to play games instead of being up front. I’ve always found it’s easier to take this stuff head on, like you.
Pussies
Its kind of hot when you call me Amanda… I feel like I’m in trouble or something.
@Ryan: I really don’t care that Ness decided not to tell them because really, it is our personal business and they don’t really need to know it, but I know how some people react when there isn’t an explanation as to why I have boobs when I’m introduced as Josh. The only real problem with the situation was that they thought they were being sneaky…I guess to try to not hurt my feelings, but it just would have been better if they hadn’t played those games.
@Jessy: My thoughts exactly.
@Mandy: You are in trouble. I have no idea what you did, but you are.
I know what you mean about wondering if you’re under-reacting, Josh. I look at it as, you are over the issue, and you win by not letting that ignorant chick get under your skin. That is not under-reacting, it is the fact that you’re not letting her get the best of you–which is precisely what she wanted to do.
I can respect that Ness didn’t tell them, beforehand. I agree with you in that she might have been thinking that it’s none of their business–but also, if it’s not a big deal to her, then why should it be a big deal to her friends? I tend to like this approach because you can really see the bigots come out of the woodwork. Like when they’re caught off-guard.
You know what I really find shitty though? Is that a couple of days after this whole thing, the friend that’s been ignoring me starts to talk to me, make jokes with me, offers to buy me drinks, and then asks Ness for a favor, and then we’re back to being ignored. Like, what the fuck? Seriously.