This past week on 20/20, Barbara Walters interviewed transgender children and their families. I didn’t get to watch it since it was on at prime time and my family was home. My parents are still sensitive to me being trans, although my dad has told me that he accepts it, by my mom, however, refuses to accept it. I didn’t want to start anything by watching it, so I left it alone. But they have all the articles online.
Looking back over my childhood, I always felt like this, like I was in the wrong body. For a long time, I didn’t know what to think of myself. I didn’t have anyone to talk to about my feelings and I had no idea that other people, that felt the exact same way, were out there.
“I can’t quite explain it. It was just a feeling of being not quite in my body,” Rebecca said. “When I was in kindergarten, I would tell people that when I grew up I wanted to be a boy. I didn’t want to be astronaut, or a teacher. I wanted to be a boy.”
I wish I could have had the courage to tell my family what I was going through, but then again, we’ve never been a close knit family. I don’t remember ever having a deep conversation with my parents about anything. They’ve always just let me be. I don’t think that they would have handled it differently then they did when I told them a few years ago though. I never really knew how to express how I felt to anyone.
How do you look at someone, right in the face, and tell them that everything they know about you is a total lie? And that their daughter, isn’t a daughter, but a son? The look on their faces, I still remember it, was a look of anger, but the look in their eyes, was a look of hurt. It wasn’t so much that they thought I was crazy, because they already had, or that they thought I was a freak, because they know that I’m not, but I turned their world upside down, and they don’t like it when the boat rocks.
Getting back to 20/20, there are some great articles about the interviews on the ABC website. Here are a few:
- A Boy in a Girl’s Body
- Born With the Wrong Body
- What Is Gender Identity Disorder?
- Transgender Children: More Resources
You can also check out clips of the interviews on the 20/20 website. There’s also a blog post on one of the ABC blogs with some excellent, and not so excellent comments.
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I know what you mean, in a couple ways. Coming out as gay, although probably not as traumatic to the family as being trans, was the hardest part of my life. Having to choose between my own happiness and hurting my family was nearly impossible. But, it’s a cliche I know, times does heal wounds. Today, we’re closer than ever.
Also, I have a unique experience with gender identity disorder. About 3 years ago, my Dad came out as trans. He is now physically and legally a woman. It’s kind of the reverse of what you’re going through. Instead of being the child who’s parents are coping, I was the child who was coping with my parent’s GID. I was always supportive but, as the transition progressed, it did get difficult. I watched my Dad fade away, so there was some grieving involved.
3 years later, I couldn’t be happier. I love my new Mom – she’s my closest friend after Brian. My Dad had always struggled with being happy and being open. Now, after transition, those aren’t issues anymore. She’s full of love, laughter and happiness. After spending her life pretending to be someone else, she can be free to be who she is.
This is all long winded. Sorry.
But I wanted you to know there are people out there who know what you’re going through. And there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh, and PS: You’re awesome.
Thank you, Ryan. I’m waiting for when I start to transition. I’m going to sit down with my parents again and have a talk and see where this goes. I’ve said it a million times before this, but if they can’t or won’t accept it, then I’m just going to have to let that be, and hope that they will eventually.
You are awesome too.
It would be extremely good if you received a nurturing, positive response from your family——but what is vital is that you feel good and strong about yourself. Permanently.
Cheryl, thanks for stopping by! I would love it if my family accepted it, but I’m ok if they don’t. It’ll hurt, and it won’t be easy, but it’s something that I’ve come to terms with.
Josh, it was really awesome to get to read your story. Part of it, anyway.
I am positive there’s much more to learn…
Esther, thanks for reading.
I still have a lot more to learn too 
Damn. That’s a good post. Thanks for sharing. The world needs more of this. All of this. And you have some mad design skills. Just thought you should know.