Josh

I’m applying to colleges. Most of them are due by the end of the month and I have no idea what to do. I don’t remember even blinking when I applied to colleges out of high school. I knew, or thought I knew, what I had wanted, so I did it. I’ve filled out all the applications, made sure I checked the correct boxes, and now all that’s left are the essays. I need to write a personal statement? C’mon, you still do that shit?

I’m literally stuck. Give me a topic and I can write it but leave it up to me and it turns to crap pretty fast. If it wasn’t for that fortune cookie, I would have waited till the spring or even next fall to apply to colleges. Goddamn that fortune cookie, why did you happen to find me while I was looking over an application?

What do you write about? People sound so stupid when they write a personal statement. It sounds to fabricated and fake. I did a Google search on college admissions essays and I’m reading them and totally not believing a word they are saying. Really, you got your head stuck in a railing when you were two and that somehow, dramatically in a twist of fate, changed the outcome of your whole life?

People keep telling me I’m smart and that I’ll be able to do it. Yea, eventually I’ll come up with something, but not because I’m smart. I know a lot of things about a lot of things, but that doesn’t make me smart. It makes me knowledgeable and good to partner up with for a trivia game, but I’m not smart. It pisses me off, why do you keep putting ideas in my head that aren’t true and inflate my already huge ego? I am, by no means, an idiot. Although I apparently live with some. I’m not saying I’m stupid, I’m just saying I’m not as smart as you think I am.

So, what should I write about? How about that time I got kicked out of my house, or the other time I got kicked out of my house, or the other? Or how about my parents used to ignore me? Or I don’t trust people anymore because I was so emotionally damaged as a child and teenager? My personal statement: I’m a cold-hearted bastard and would rather not have anyone, meaning not one single person, in my life just so I could avoid the possibility of getting hurt. I’m sure whoever reads my essay will find that a fun and light topic.

Maybe I should just send them here. They will probably check it anyway so I should just leave a permanent link to this post on my sidebar for when they check it in January.

I am not a writer. Can I draw something? Make a mixed CD (I’m good at those)? Dance? DDR? Anything but write.

Argh. If it’s not coming to me, maybe I just don’t want it bad enough yet. Maybe I’m not ready. Maybe that fortune cookie wasn’t meant for me or it was talking about something else. Maybe I’m just destined to be a bum. Or maybe I’m afraid that I’m destined for something amazing and I’ll let people down.

Categorized as General