Josh

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. You know that saying that people use when you’re grumpy or in a shitty mood. Well, that’s me today. Except I woke up angry and depressed. For most of the day I’ve stared out a fogged up window, trying to remember where it was that I lost everything that I used to be. When did I become this person? Whoever I am.

When did I stop caring? When did I give up on life and on people? iTunes seems to know how I’m feeling today because everything it’s playing is in sync with my thoughts.

All I can keep thinking is when did I become a loser? Everyone has days, days like this where nothing fits in place. I keep trying to put the circle in the square’s spot and no matter how hard I push it won’t go in. But i don’t learn because I’m stubborn.

I realized today that I’m a fuck up. I fuck things up. That’s my talent. I’m great at it but just mediocre at everything else I do. Everything I touch turns to shit, so you should think twice before you feel like striking up a friendship with me. Or a relationship. I’m a good person, at my core, but there’s too many walls and dirt and dust covering up my core. I’m sorry I’m a fuck up. I’m sorry I gave up. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better person for you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you deserve. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry for everyone else that will meet me in the future and I’ll fuck that up too.

I’ll be fine. I just need a weekend to think and by Monday I’ll be over it. I’ll deny this ever happened and I’ll forget about this post.

It’s funny on days like this. The things that usually don’t go well, go great. Like, my family and I don’t get along, but today, things are good with them. But everything else just isn’t working. Maybe they sense I’m not myself today.

I’ve done my crying, not it’s time to forget about all this. I won’t shut myself down like I usually do, I won’t disappear, I’ll be around. I’ll take calls, I’ll reply to emails, I’ll answer IM’s, but just know you’re talking to a shell this weekend. I’m on autopilot. Comments are closed on this post, but feel free to email me: joshanastasia [at] gmail [dot] com. Back to denial.

Categorized as General